We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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