I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
