So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
