I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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