After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
