Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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