I seem to have left my pride at pride
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
