Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
