pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
