Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
