Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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