Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
