I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
