she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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