I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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