Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
