So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
