Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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