Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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