"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
