Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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