i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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