Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
