And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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