I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg šš
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
