She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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