...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
