Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
