i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
