If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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