i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
