there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
