Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
