The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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