Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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