But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
