I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
