in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
