would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
