In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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