Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
