I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
