Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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