all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
