i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
