Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
