We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
