Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
