This girl is more easily done than said...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
