I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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